A classic example of a valiant man struck by love for the wrong person is Samson from the Holy Bible. He was a brute, muscular, strong, and a savior of his people against enemies. However, he fell in love with a beautiful, favored woman, and quickly, he had fallen in love with her. His love for her brought about his downfall. She didn't reciprocate his feelings, and because of his insane love, he was blinded from common sense. She feigned love in order to extort and use him for selfish gain; taunting him and ultimately causing his destruction.
How is it possible for anyone to love the wrong person? First, the Bible tells us that our hearts are deceitful above all things and desperately wicked (Jeremiah 17:9), which is a daunting thought to realize. Second, we all desire to be loved, and that can lead us to make fanatical decisions when we find someone who seems to reciprocate our feelings.
Today, I don't want to preach or sound like a teacher. Instead, I want to open up and be transparent with you, my readers. Like everyone else in this world, whether you are a Christian or not, we all undergo life’s ebbs and flows—moments of ecstatic joy and excruciating heartaches. I hope that by sharing my own experiences and some points I've gleaned along the way, I can be of help and solace to you in your journey of life.
For many years, I went through life without knowing what it was like to love another human being. I'm not referring to a brotherly (phileo) love or the godly (agape) love to better treat, serve, and minister to anyone and everyone. I am speaking about the profound, deep love that blossoms out of nowhere for another. The love that can cloud your judgment and make you want to spend as much time as possible with the love of your life. Even going the extra mile to rearrange your busy schedule just to see them and learn more about their interests.
I too can relate to this wonderful euphoria of love. After so many years of never knowing love, finally it happened to me. It wasn't something that I planned or decided to feel. I met that perfect someone through church, and we quickly became close friends as if we had known each other for years. We enjoyed each other's company, and there was never a dull moment in our conversations or times together when we hung out. Our friendship was natural, and we felt completely at ease around each other. There were no awkward moments.
As we continued to spend time together over several months, something inexplicable happened. The feeling of a deeper love, more than friendship, blossomed and grew stronger over time. It was comfortable for the both of us. We could look into each other’s eyes and feel comfortable that we were with our beautiful friend. We wanted the best for each other and were willing to support each other through life's ups and downs. We felt comfortable praying and reading the Bible together. Our love had blossomed and become something that we never expected but were grateful for.
And the wonderful thing that happened was that our love gave birth to a beautiful relation. We built trust and became each other's confidants.
However, our relationship came to an abrupt end, and my heart was shattered into pieces by the one I loved. Although I understand the reasons for the breakup, it was still an unfair and difficult experience. Sometimes in life, we have to accept loss and find a way to move on with God's help. People may try to console us, but they may not fully comprehend the intricacies of another’s relationships. It is through prayer, personal reflection based on God's Word, and the much passage of time that the heart begins to be mended so that we can move forward in life.
After passage of time, I now feel compelled to share this personal story. Through my experiences, I've learned valuable lessons in life. Despite having a public persona, I also value my privacy. I never felt the need to announce my wonderful relationship or publicly profess my love on social media. Although some close friends suspected that I was smitten, I maintained my composure and didn't reveal too much. However, after the breakup, these same friends noticed a change in my countenance, despite my efforts to pretend that everything was okay.
In retrospect, I've realized that it's impossible to hide one's emotions when in love. However, I've also learned the importance of valuing my privacy and keeping some aspects of my personal life private. While it's natural for others to be curious, I believe that certain things should be kept sacred and not shared with the world. Although the breakup was difficult, it reinforced the importance of maintaining a balance between sharing and withholding information.
Eventually after the breakup, word got out about our relationship, and unfortunately, some people made inaccurate judgments and criticisms. (Interestingly, people from afar.) Despite the gossip and speculation that some individuals engaged in, I made the conscious decision to stay quiet and move forward with my life. While it was disappointing to hear negative comments about my personal life, I recognized that it was not my responsibility to correct anyone's misconceptions. I and my love knew the truth, and we decided to keep our business private and not subject to anyone else's opinions or scrutiny. Ultimately, it was a personal matter that only concerned the two of us.
On a few occasions I have encountered situations that have bothered me. When something bothers me, I always take it to the LORD in prayer. Additionally, I make a habit of engaging in self-reflection and considering the criticisms of others. While I don't allow myself to become consumed by negative comments or opinions, I recognize the value in hearing and contemplating others' perspectives, as it can lead to personal growth and greater understanding. At the same time, I strive to maintain a sense of balance and not let the opinions of others dictate my sense of self-worth or influence my decisions.
I was deeply bothered when I overheard someone make a hurtful comment about my relationship, suggesting that I had loved the wrong person. While their words stung, I chose to reflect on the remark and consider whether our wonderful relationship had indeed been in vain. This made me also think about others through my life who had loved the wrong person. Many people have gone through this common experience, despite the pain and disappointment that may follow. However, I believe that these experiences can ultimately teach us valuable lessons and help us grow. Rather than dwelling on the hurtful words of others, I choose to focus on the positive aspects of my relationships and the lessons that I have learned from them.
If you have ever found yourself loving the wrong person, then you may find the following two lists to be of interest. You can use them to help others not to make your same mistakes. However, if you are unsure of what love truly entails, or you believe that presently you are with the right person even though your gut tells you otherwise, then I would recommend that you review the following points in order to determine whether or not you are truly in love with the right person.
A Health Relationship Involves:
1. You and your partner reciprocate good feelings for each other, making the relationship feel balanced.
2. You feel comfortable being your true self around them because you know they accept you for who you are.
3. Your partner is emotionally available and chooses to be close, leaving you feeling like your love is wanted and appreciated.
4. They show interest in your life and your relationship, and they care about your wants and needs.
5. They not only hear you when you talk but also listen and show interest in getting to know you on a deeper level.
6. Your partner makes you feel good about yourself, and you're confident about who you are when you're with them.
7. You can have satisfying conversations with them because you connect mentally, and they stay on topic and relate to you.
8. You feel like you know a lot about your partner, and they open up to you, inviting you into their personal space.
9. They appreciate you and don't take you for granted, causing your self-respect to grow, and staying in the relationship is the best option.
10. Your partner understands you beyond your words, leaving conversations satisfying.
11. You look forward to spending time with them and rarely think about avoiding arguments and fights.
12. You love them and are happy with how you're treated in the relationship, and the pros outweigh the cons.
13. Your partner cares about your feelings, acknowledges your efforts, and respects you as a person.
14. Your partner loves you for who you are and doesn't try to change you into the person they want you to be.
15. The romance in the relationship is alive and well, and you share meaningful moments regularly.
16. Your partner is supportive and encouraging, making you feel confident, and a relationship that makes you feel good about yourself is worth being in.
17. You can see a realistic bright future together, especially relationships that daily pray and seek God together. A praying relationship is a lasting relationship.
18. Your partner trusts you, leaving you feeling secure and confident about your loyalty, and they don't doubt you.
19 You or your partner have healthy boundaries and give each other personal space.
20. Your partner is independent and doesn't require constant care and attention, and they don't depend on you for their survival.
Here’s How You Know If You Love The Wrong Person:
1. Despite loving them with all your heart and doing things for them that no one else would, they don't reciprocate your feelings, making the relationship feel one-sided.
2. You feel like you can't be your true self around them because you're always pretending to be someone else, fearing they won't accept you for who you are.
3. Your partner is emotionally unavailable and chooses to be distant, leaving you feeling like your love isn't wanted or appreciated.
4. They show no interest in your life or your relationship and don't seem to care about your wants and needs.
5. They hear you when you talk, but they don't truly listen and have no interest in getting to know you on a deeper level.
6. Your partner doesn't make you feel good about yourself, and you're constantly unsure of who you are when you're with them.
7. You can't have a satisfying conversation with them because you don't connect mentally, and they often go off on tangents that you can't relate to.
8. You feel like you don't know anything about your partner, and they keep their life a mystery, shutting you out from their personal space.
9. They take you for granted, causing your self-respect to suffer, and walking away may be the best option if they refuse to change.
10. Your partner doesn't seem to understand you beyond your words, leaving conversations unsatisfying.
11. You dread spending time with them and constantly think about how to avoid arguments and fights.
12. You love them but aren't happy with how you're treated in the relationship, and the cons seem to outweigh the pros.
13. Your partner doesn't seem to care about your feelings, doesn't acknowledge your efforts, and doesn't respect you as a person.
14. Your partner is trying to change you into the person they want you to be, but you don't like the person you're becoming, and it's clear they don't love you for who you are.
15. The romance in the relationship has almost ceased to exist, and you can't remember the last time you shared a meaningful moment.
16. Your partner is too demanding, making you feel inadequate, and a relationship that makes you feel terrible about yourself isn't worth being in.
17. Even though you want the relationship to work, deep down, you know the future isn't bright.
18. Your partner doesn't trust you, leaving you feeling doubtful and insecure about your loyalty, and there's only so much you can do to gain their trust.
19. Sometimes a relationship fails because your partner is possessive and obsessive, leaving you with no personal space.
20. Your partner is too needy, requiring constant care and attention, and depending on you for their survival.